Reflections.. of a tiny insignificant me...

The bag and friend of my life

2004-11-15T01:32:00.000+08:00

I WAS supposed to be writing a speech for my boss for the upcoming opening ceremony of this online game that I am in charge of at work. Somehow, somewhere, in the midst of writing it, I decided to write my own blog instead. I never wrote a speech before and I finally realised now that writing one was no mean feat! I mean, how am I supposed to know what my boss wants to say right? And when I am having a public holiday somemore. Haiz. The lamentings of a helpless corporate prawn, who is trying too hard to prove herself.

I had a great day today! Finally, I managed to lay my hands on that precious Elle bag which I had taken a fancy on some 8 months ago, one fine day in March. Can't remember exactly which day it was and dun wanna remember. That time, I was too poor a student to afford such a bag (which is really not even a hundred bucks) and then when I finally started working and earned my first bucks, to my disappointment, it was no longer there!! I went to 3 stores in Singapore that sells Elle bags and they were all gone! Oh no. For a few months, I was flicker-minded. I searched for an alternative. But there were no other bag that I liked that much or maybe it was because they were all too expensive. Then a few weeks ago, I suddenly decided that I wanted that bag alot after all and went to all 3 stores to ask about it. The store assistants were all very nice and told me they would inform me when the new stock arrives, although in my heart, I really doubted their words. Come on, a bag that is like over 8 months old? You mean I can still find it? Nevertheless, I went back faithfully to the store in Taka and kept on asking about it. Even the store lady, Yann Fun knew me already! So embarrassing. And today, guess what! She called me to say that I can finally come down and buy it! I sped down to Orchard with my good friend and in no time, found my much-awaited bag! I was grinning from ear to ear! I think I said umpteen times of "thank you" to the store lady until she was quite disgusted. gee!

It's amazing how we can sometimes go to lengths to get the things that we want in life. Be it a bag, our dreams or someone whom we think we like. I may go through all pains to get hold of this bag, but when it comes to a relationship, I might do otherwise. Over the years, I have kind of resigned to fate- the notion that fate plays a huge role in any relationship have sunk deep into me; that anything that I do will be fruitless, redundant in the almighty word of "fate". I willl no longer take the initiative to get to know that someone. I will try not be too excited when I see that someone. I will let nature take its own course. Haha. Sounds like judy's 3 Greattest Commandments in Love. Okay, I shall name them as such.

Today, I also went to eat Kenny Rogers with a good old friend. Both of us simply love eating the chicken there. Dunno why. And our favourite side dish is the famous corn nibbits!! Yummy. Over corn muffin, ice lemon tea and delicious chicken breast meat, we sat and talked about our families. I talked about how my sister is forever going on a diet, like me and how she is always the more successful one. She talked about her mum going for an operation on the womb. I talked about our family's intention to move house. She talked about her uncle, who now wants to marry a wife from China after the demise of his wife not more than 2 years ago and how the whole family has been chiding him for it. I talked about dad and his condition and how he fell down this morning. She talked about how each of her cousins are getting along and we both realised how long I haben been to her house. We talked about everything. She is one dear friend whom I had grown up with and who will share all my happiness and woes. We go on trips together, eat buffets together, celebrate Xmas with our tiny little feast every year, swim together and go idol-watching together. I remember how I used to go crazy over some pop star who has just descended in town and jostle amongst the teenage crowd and go gaga over them. Without my dear friend, my life would never have been what it was.

Anyway, today I am happy. Happy because I finally found my bag. And happy because I had the company of a good o' friend.

The World of Work

2004-11-07T01:31:00.000+08:00

It has been 3 months since I started working. To be exact, I started my first day of work on the 4 August 2004.

I would call my transition into working life a smooth one. No major hiccups. No torturous boss. No scheming colleagues. In fact, I think my job is too peaceful and it does not offer me the excitement that I am looking forward to.

The department which I belong to is the Retail Business, Markets Group of the Singapore Exchange. Bascially, we want to increase retail participation in the stock market. When people trade on the stock market, we are happy because they contribute to our clearing fees and indirectly, my salary every month. In particular, my department is tasked with developing and implementing educational programs to train people to become savvy investors in the stock market and marketing programs. I have been asked to develop, conceptualize and implement a online stock trading game by next year. Thus, my performance will be solely based on this game. It's a do or die thing. This Nov, I would be test-running the game with the tertiary students in Singapore first and I am praying hard that everything will be fine. The other project I am handling is a mini research project into what the other exchanges are doing for their retail investor education programs. I look into what TSE, ASX, HKEx, NYSE, Nasdaq and inform my boss what they are doing, to see if we can copy any fresh ideas. My boss is a great advocate of "copying whenever possible; there is no need to reinvent the wheel all the time." And then, from time to time, I also do reports and write minutes. When you are the lowest life form in the dept, you have to do all these kind of work.

There were 6 of us in the dept, including my boss. However, Ros and Wil are leaving in Dec and that leaves me, Marg, HsinMin and Linda. They are nice people and often coach me on the ways of going about finding people and doing things in the company. The latter is especially important because I always have problem locating people all over the building. 650 people packed in one building is no joke! However, I also find it hard to reallly connect closely with all of them because there is some kind of generation gap btw all of us; they are all in their thirties and sometimes I find myself thinking very hard on a topic to converse with them. Overall, the work environment is fantastic. I sit in a little obscure corner on the 23rd floor and am relishing every bit of the freedom and peace I have. Boss is far away in another part of the office. One drawback is that my wprk station is rather cold; the air con is blowing away furiously on top of my head. I feel like I am working in an igloo everyday; the only missing item is a pair of gloves that would not get into my way as I type.. I can say that my biege jacket is my indispensable companion everyday in the office; not the computer.

About my boss. My boss, Alvin is a great guy. I think he is very receptive to the ideas that I have and I am really glad for it. He somehow resembles my boss during my internship at KLM Airlines. In my short stint here, I had been able to change a new PC and submit many training forms to HR; alot of privileges which I do not see that are conferred to other perm staff. For this, I am really glad. And in two months' time, my boss is asking me to take on the post of the MOC Secretary. Yes, that means I get to sit in those high-level meetings where the Group Heads and Function Heads discuss strategic issues while I scribble away busily, trying to catch every word that they have said and write a good piece of minutes out of it. I am excited for this opportunity and am looking to do my best. Lucky for me that he is quite lenient with me, because sometimes I crack silly jokes and make childish comments; he is not pissed and in fact, I can say that he is pretty amused by me and lets me have my way generally.

Talking about this, I might as well also say that I am taking on more "ECAs" at work than my real work. In Sept, I was involved in the Markets Group Offsite and did up the slides for my group's presentation. Everyone felt that I did a great job. Personally, I think so too and felt a great sense of achievement. At the offsite at Sentosa, I also got to know many colleagues and it certainly helped a lot to know more people because sometimes you need to work with other people in other depts. Then in Oct, barely two months into my job, I was involved in the Bull Run, which is a charity event that my company organised for the whole financial industry. I was one of the SGX Scholars Cheerleading Team. We were supposed to be the main cheerleading team to conjure the crowd, add noise to the event.. you know, all the ra-ra stuff. It was great fun too! We often had our practices on the isolated 20th floor and did very well that day! The Bull Run raised over $2 million for the charities and I am really glad for this. Our efforts paid off!
Yeah, that's the ECAs I have been involved in.. and now, I am also in the Xmas Organising Committee, in charge of organising the Xmas party for the different functions on the 23rd floor. I think there is gonna be great fun! :0

Yeah, so that's all about my work. Oh I forgot to mention that I am also very fortunate to have a group of fellow friends who joined the company with me at the same time and we have one another as lunch partners everyday. I always look forward to lunch, because I get hungry, usually by 11am everyday! and lunchtime is a time to gossip and relax and forget about work momentarily.

Next week is a good week. There is going to be a long weekend and I am going to Malaysia with some friends. My Kuok Foundation Hse hall friends. Maybe the next time I write a new entry about my blog, I would talk more about my trip to Malacca.

I have a nasty temper

2004-08-22T10:12:00.000+08:00

I REALLY hate waiting for people.

This morning, I was looking forward to meeting some friends to go to Johor together. It was a long-awaited trip, because I was looking fwd to having cheap, delicious stingrays to my heart's content. Yes, I am one of those typical cheapskate Sporeans, whom despite calling our dear neighbours nasty names, will go all the way to their grounds to economise on their lower exchange rate. Of course, the activities lined up for the day also included a sing-to-your-heart's- out karaoke session and retail therapy.

I arranged to meet Patricia at AMK interchange. Before I left home, I messaged her that I would not be bringing my handphone, partly because I cannot use it in JB anyway and my battery was at its last bar, so she should not sms me and left home in high spirits, commenting to myself what a lovely day, as the sun was hidden behind the huge puffy clouds, making it perfect for any day out. Unless you wanted a suntan.

But I waited and waited and still did not catch any sight of Patricia. It was 8.31am. I waited patiently because I knew I was early. Then it was 8.45am. And still no sight of her. People were rushing into the train station for their trains, others were also waiting for someone else, like me. Then it was 8.50.... and the seconds seemed to be flying past. " Oh no, later the CACS people will have to wait for us.." I thought to myself.

One thing that you have to know about me. I hate being late. I hate people being later too. If I am late, I will inform the other party way in advance. Unless it is some unforseen circumstances that I myself cannot predict, or if one is late because of some last minute work at the office. I see being late as people with no value for other peoples' time. I see being late as a bad habit. The last time one of my closest friend, Huiling was late, I chided her so loudly, "Can you give respect to other peoples' time?" Since then, she was never late for more than 15mins ever again. She knew she was in the wrong; I knew I was really short-tempered and we were good friends again after that episode.

I started to change come coins to call Patricia. The Station Control lady did not have any change, but she gave me 20 cents benevolently. I used one of it to call Patricia's handphone, or rather I thought I was calling her. But it turned out that I remembered the wrong number! Alas! There goes one precious ten cents. And then I used the other one to call back home. My sister found my handphone and before she could even finish reading out Pat's number to me, the 3mins was up and the stupid phone hang up on me.

I was anxious. I hope nothing bad happened. I started to borrow another 10 cents from another lady and called home again. My sister told me she called Pat for me and she was fuming on the phone, because she was awaken from her deep sleep because of me. I was scolded profusely. Then I cannot remember what happened. I just knew I had to go and change some money from the 7-11 store near to the MRT so I could call Pat this time. And just when I was about to call her, she arrived.

"Sorry sorry I had a stomachache.." I think at that moment, no words could entered my ears. I was blinded by my own anger and impatience. Then I told her, we will call the rest now, because by this time, it was already 9.30am and I do not want others to wait for us. If they want to leave, they should go. I never liked to let people wait for me, because they have no need to do so. So she called XQ and we realised that the time had been changed to 1130am, somehow, without the two of us knowing that. That means, we might come back quite late and I did not quite like that, since I have to come home, iron my clothes and prepare for work the next day.

I was fuming with anger now. That means from now till 1130am, I have to hang around and wait some more. So I told Pat that I did not want to go anymore. I really din't. Why should I go and make everyone upset? I will just be quiet and appear so unfriendly. So I told her I would go home and I did leave.

Yes, that's what happened. I think I can be really nasty at times, but hey, how does it feel to be always waiting for people? I know, some people are really nice and tolerant and can bear the wait. Not me. I can be nice in other things, but not waiting. Seng Lee also got it from me once. The last time he was really late, I scolded him right in the face and refused to go to where we were supposed to go. I told him the same thing as I told Huiling, "Please give some respect to my time."

Right now, the rest probably think I am blaming them for changing the time and ignoring them. It was a combination of factors-my nasty temper, the wait at the MRT, the miscommunication, etc.

Before I left, I went to return the lady at the Station Control the two coins she bestowed on me.

Filial Piety and me

2004-08-03T07:59:00.000+08:00

Life can get quite scary as you get on in age. Yesterday evening when I started on my usual jog around the neighbourhood, I saw the Ah Pek who live two doors away from my house. He looked forlorn and lost and did not seem as if he knew where he was going. He wandered about aimlessly. His hair was messy and greasly. He looked lonely. When I ran past him, I gave him a huge grin and called out most sincerely, "Ah Pek, where are you going?" in Teochew. He looked shocked that someone actually bothered to find out about his whereabouts and said with a forced smile and husky voice, "Just walking around..." I felt very upset suddenly. Living all alone in the house, he must have felt terribly lonely.

Ah Pek lived alone. He had a 90-plus old mother who passed away recently and two sons. One of them also died lately because of kidney disease. I also heard from my mum that his wife died not too long after giving up her kidney to this son. The other son is apparently doing very well now. He has three children, a maid, drives a Merz and lives in a condo, if my mum's 38 sources from other housewives in the neighbourhood are reliable. Ah Pek has been left alone because his daughter-in-law did not like him to love in with the family. They rarely visit him too. The picture of him walking and his shadow diminishing behind me remains fresh in my memory till I woke up this morning.

When I grow up, okies, not that I have alot of time ahead of me anyway, I would not forsake my parents. After taking care of me for so long, surely, they deserve something better. Maybe I wold not earn much to give them the best luxuries in life. Maybe I might even have problems fending for myself. But I will take care of my aged parents even still. Because I know what is filial piety. Because I know how Ah Pek is feeling right now. Because I know loneliness is a powerful feeling that engulfs one. Because there is such a thing in this world called conscience.

My 23rd birthday

2004-07-29T14:51:00.000+08:00

I celebrated my 23rd birthday just yesterday. There was no big party. There was no fanfare. There was no someone special.

I started the day with much calmness. Much more than I used to be. In the past, birthdays were a big thing. Mum would prepare those sweet eggs in sticky glue-ey sauce and I had to gulp them down. And there would be a huge cake waiting for me to cut and candles to be blown. This time round, there was much more peace involved.

On the night before the actual day, Zhimin and Nicholas already sent me their greetings over the Internet. "Hey Happie Birthday! Judy!!" were the many icq messages I received. Inside my heart, I wonder if they actually did remember my birthday or was it techonology at work? ICQ had this birthday alert function where it would attach a red balloon to the name of someone who is having his or her birthday. I choose to believe otherwise though. I mean, it does take effort and time to actually type out a birthday greeting to someone over ICQ. Plus, you have to consider that, after that initial greeting, you have to maintain the conversation with that same person. The happiest moment was when my sister came back with some mails and told me there was a card for me. And hey, someone did remember my birthday! When I saw the return address at the back of the envelope, I thought it was one of my best uni buddies, Raymond.. and was really gladly surprised that he actually took the effort to post me a birthday card!! I mean, snail mails are not that trendy now, isn't it? hehe. But on closer look, the card was actually sent by Liang Ming! I am really elated because he was not someone I would call my closest of all frens and yet he did remember my birthday and sent me a card! And it was a really beautiful one.

That night, I waited till about 12am before I went to bed.. afterall, you dun want to be sleeping like a log when its the beginning of your birthday rite! hahah. Just 15 mins before 12mn, Yaocong, my good brother, called me and sang a birthday song over his handphone! That was really sincere of him. And brave too, because he did that loudly despite being on the bus. The people around him must have found him a nuisance. hahaa.

In the morning, I was pleasantly surprised by this automated phonecall. The phone rang and this operator voice started saying this message, "Happy Birthday Judy, Have a happy great day and may all things delicious, desirable and delightful be yours!" From 97627903.. hahah wow! I have got an admirer ahzz.. hahha then just a min later, Denis sent me an sms and repeated the message cheekily! wow liao... so it was Denis and not some adnirer after all! hahhaha.. but I am still touched by his little act, because it really did surprised me. No wonder they say that guys with gerfrens have fresher ideas all the time.. hahha now I know it is quite true.

Then I came to work as if it was a normal day. Hence, the calmness I was saying. I mean, how excited can you be when you are coming to work on your birthday??! hahaha... nevertheless, my spirits were high. The sun hang high above the sky and it looked like an especially pleasant day. Then in the office, I had my colleagues saying happie birthday to me! Its really cordial of them to do that! My two German colleagues, Eva and Vivien, who are here on an internship, even hugged me!! I was almost swept to tears by their sincerity and warmth. They also told me that in Germany, birthday girls or boys have to bake a cake and treat everyone! And in return, they do get many pressies. So nice. haha. For once, I felt like staying in Germany.

And then, I checked my email and Jean announced to the entire world that it was my birthday in an egroup which we both belonged to! That was why birthday greetings started to stream in.. Dr Lee, Elison and Handy.. and that was when I realised that Colin also shared the same birthday as me!

Then I went for lunch with two colleagues, Shiyun and Joseph. Shiyun is sitting with me in the same room and we are of the same age. Think she is a very pretty lady, also very friendly and kind towards me. Joseph is 24 this year and he used to sit in the same room as us, but he moved to the 27th floor, to the Marketing Communications dept. But he's quite a cool friend, always sending us very interesting emails in the day to perk us up. We went to NYDC at Suntec and they ordered a mugpie for me.. ! What a yummy and fattening lunch. And yes, not forgetting the Black forest cake my dept treated me too... my God. There goes all my swimming on Sunday and jogging in the mornings.

Then the day just flew past! I went over to Carollyn's side to hand over my OrgPlus function to her and even Carollyn gave me a pressie! It was a lipstick, with a very nice shade, too nice for my ugly lips, in fact. haha. Throughout the day, I got birthday smses from different people, Elison, Handy, Patricia, Candy, Jing, Huiling, Jiasheng, Binxi, 35 and Lynette. Even Adeline from the Honors Marketing Theory and Research Class sent me her greetings! I was really surprised, because again, I din think we were that good friends! hahaa. Guess what! Even Irene, this administrator from my tuition agency smsed me and said happie birthday to me! Wow my god, this was the best gift, because she was not even close to me! I have only known her for barely 2 weeks since I started teaching at this tuition agency. But she is a nice, simple girl, which I would introduce to any of my guy frens anytime. I was really touched by her. Sometimes I think, the lesser you pursue paper qualifications, the more a person you become.

When I got back to my desk, it was almost 6pm and I packed up and left. I was looking forward to meeting Sherry and Serene for my birthday dinner at Parkway. They bought me a document bag, so I could use it when I work in future. That was really thoughtful of them, although deep inside my heart, I was already eyeing this ELLE black bag since March! We had Swensens and they had this promotion for birthday celebrations- I just needed to produce my IC and I got a Firehouse Sundae on the house! So kewl. Swensens can be quite a good restaurant afterall.. haha.

At the end of the day, I started to reflect on it all. You know something? The friends whom I call my best buddies, Chicken, Raymond and Melvin did not even remember my birthday and wished me. A simple sms would have been enough. Melvin is probably buried under his pile of work, Raymond slogging away at night shift and Chicken I dunno. Ray did smsed me today, when my birthday was all over. Actually I am not angry or sad. Just kinda disappointed. Because for all their birthdays, I would sms and even try to organise a gathering to celebrate. Cos I know being single, they prolly have no special someone to celebrate the day for them. So much for taking the effort to think of something out all the time. For Chicken, I even asked all the Superstars if they wanted to share in a Adidas bag which I know he wanted badly. And I asked them since April, although his birthday is in June. Cos I think by then, his bag might not be around anymore. Really disappointed by him. Maybe he is just forgetful. I dunno.
I just know that the next time round, I would not make the effort to jolt down their birthdays, let alone celebrate it for them.

My birthday has passed and I have gained much more in my thoughts. No wonder they say, you get wiser every year.

Happenings

2004-07-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

I finally have some time to write my blog. Candy has been saying, "Judy.. Please go and update your blog".. haha and everyone who knows her can imagine Candy saying that. Recently, many events had come and gone, and they have captured every bit of my heart.

Convo lasted for at least a week for me... U know, just like we celebrate Chinese New Yr for some 15 days? haha... Beside the pics I took with the CACS people, I also took lots of pics with Lynette, Jean, Xuixing, Handy, Ivy, Qixin, they all in Bizad. The Chicken Rice Stall uncle, the cashier machine at Toscano Snack Store and even the toilets at the Hon Sui Sen Memorial Library served as our props during our photo shoots. I liked the pics I took with the journals in the Bizad Library most... hehe think they kind of made me look intellectual and well-learned! That same night on the 13th July, me, Jean, Jac, Collin, Handy and Dr Lee also convened for a dinner at Holiday Inn. It was really a nice ambience and there was even red wine! Of course lahzz, Dr Lee paid for the dinner.. haha and when it is free, utility is maximum- I haben forgotten my fundamental Economics principles afterall! The rest said I got very high after I drink the red wine.. I dun think so.. I think they were just trying to save the good stuff to themselves and dun let me drink so much! If only we can drink red wine like plain water, life will be quite nice afterall!

That same weekend, on the 17 July, I also started my first tuition class at Hougang. There are barely 10 students in my class for the Pri 4 English and Maths lesson which I was in charge of. And mine mine, I think teaching is no mean feat! It was difficult to get my explanations across, because the children just nod whenever you asked them if they know what you are talking about. And English was especially hard to teach too. I have to research on the Internet to find out how to teach English. Slowly, I am having some ideas though. I started lesson 1 with collection terms like a pack of wolves, a bunch of grapes... haha dun they all sound farmiliar? and then I also taught them Simile- a form of figurative languauge in English, such as " as white as snow", "as brave as a lion".. and I have made the children go home and do homework on idioms for my next class. Although I get all tired out after every class, I can tell you, I am relishing every moment of class time too. I like interacting with children, esp when they aren't mine.. haha.

The whole week was then a blur. Work, work and more work ensued. My sup was rushing a report on Thailand Automotive market for the new CEO and I was roped in to help. Calculating market shares, total market size and percentage change never felt was giddy as before. I was overwhelmed by the numbers I was seeing. Worse still, I was asked to format the report and my good buddy Jean can testify to the fact that I hate formatting and I am lousy at it too! All my life in Bizad, I never volunteered to format and compile projects- I might die of frustration if I did that and that was equivalent to kicking myself in the butt. And now at DC, I had to do it! Painful it was, but I certainly have become quite pro at doing it.

The past few weeks, we have had two farewell lunches in a roll. First to bid goodbye was Choon San, who decide to drop out of the rat race to take care of her baby son, Ryan. I felt that it was really noble of her to do that, because if it were me, I might not have done the same thing. But I am sure, in time to come, she will look back at this decision she had to make and still decide the same course of action. Boss, Qing, also left. He has been posted to Japan to help save FUSO Trucks, Daimler's alliance partner, Mitsubishi. Qing is a dynamic, charismatic and capable boss, who can be quite childlike at times too. He likes to say "dun want lahzz.. " and give that ke lian look, so everyone will give in to him. I remember before he left, we gave him a farewell gift and insisted him to participate in a Treasure Hunt to look for it, before he could rightfully own it. He was really spontaneous and really looked high and low for his pressie!! My my... the pics I took of him looked so farnie and I am sure they will serve as good memories in future.

There was also one morning which I felt terribly upset. I dreamt that I was together back again with him. It has been some 3 plus years since our relationship pulled the plug, but i still dream of him sometimes. The details vanished once I woke up, but I rem vividly that he asked me if we could be together again. I was smiling from ear to ear, cos I really loved him alot still and deep inside my heart, I wanted to shout "yes" to this request! hahah but like all gers do, we pretend and say no.. when we actually mean yes.. But once I woke up, it was all a dream and I was really upset that it was not reality afterall... I cried at the sad truth of it. Then, I told Tanny and she said I have to move on. And now, one mth down the road, I am having this same dream again. I dunno if it is because I am lonely. I dunno if it is because there might be a possibility we can be tog all over again. I only know, I do not dare to think this way, or else I would be shattered all over again.

Then just the last Sat, I went for AJC's 20th Anniversary Dinner at Suntec Convention Hall on 24 July. We saw Mrs Goh, Ms Adele Lee, Mr Arthur Lim, Lim Kok Wee, William Chua and many other farmiliar faces. I was also quite surprised that i could no longer remember their names after some 6 years only! I mean, now I know, why our teachers can recognise our faces but never seem to remember our names when we go visit them! And thanks to my father for giving me such a common english name somemore! hahaha. Mrs Goh said I become much more jovial from JC.. haha and prettier too! I was surprised at this comment, because I had always been noisy! Maybe Mrs Goh haben seen me for a long time. Huiling said it is because I was very obedient and conscientious in C Maths class last time... so I din't come across as noisy as I am now. But I am really glad that I went for the event, although it burnt a huge hole in my pocket, I was glad to have seen some teachers, without whom I would never be where I am today. Not that I am anywhere up there, haha but at least, surviving life.

Its Convocation Day!

2004-07-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

Saturday, 10 July 2004 can be regarded as one of the greatest days of my life. It's not the day someone propose to me. Neither is it the day that I earn my first million. Nor is it the day that I get to stay at Banyan Tree Maldives. Guess what?
It's the convocation day of my friends! WOW!

Even before I reached the University Cultural Centre, I was already raring to get down the bus and take photos with all my frens. The bus ride on 151 seemed like eternity. I was thinking to myself, "Maybe I should strategize first.. who should I take pics with first, so that I can make sure I have time with everyone? Is it Raymond? Or maybe I should skip over to Daniel and take pics with him and Lijing. Or maybe I should look out for my Superstars frens first?" How about Xiaoqiang and all the CACS people?? Where can I squeeze into a corner and wear my gown in peace? Will I know how to pin my gown in place? Indeed, even before I step foot onto NUS, these thoughts were already racing through my mind.

I finally reached my destination and the first maiden picture I took was not with Daniel nor Raymond. It was taken with Jing, Yexun and Gerald. Haha, so much for the strategizing on the bus trip! He just flashed out of the corner in UCC and the next moment I knew it, I was pulled aside to take pics. Gosh, I wasn't even sure if my hair was tidy. It was a chop chop affair as he had to move on to his other frens. Just hope that I wun turn out looking too unhumanly inside the photo!! If not, when I become famous in future, he might blackmail me or something. haha. Suddenly, I spotted Raymond with a bunch of lovely flowers and we took some pics tog. Of course, after which, he forsaked me to take pics with his ME frens and I had to find someone else to hunt for other photo-taking opportunities with. Luckily Lijing was around and we adjourned to take pics with herself and Daniel. It was taken with the "Congratulations to Class of 2004" banner, cos there ain't much backdrop for you to take with, in the very first place.

Later, what happened was a confusing spate of events. Took more pictures with Raymond and then when Huilin came, we started putting on our gowns and then took more and more pics with Weiyi, Rebecca and Xuehua. I think i went in and out of UCC and the courtyard for at least 3 times. It was then that I also realised my gown was really quite untidy! Who would have known that we are supposed to iron our huge blue gown? I mean, its quite huge rite? Then can fit onto the ironing board meh? Plus, I am quite lousy at ironing, i might just burn a hole or something, then wun it make things worse? I would have no gown for convo! And then the pins that I bought were quite disobedient. They refuse to help me keep my white sash in place!!! Nevertheless, I think I still look quite nice with my unkept harry-potter length gown. Hehe. The photos are a testimony to that. I think if I mentioned this to Xiaoqiang, Desmond, Uncle Ronnie, KengSiong, Dave and ChangJiang they all, they would just puke out loud.

Just before we left UCC for the Student's Care Service at La Meridien, guess what?! The CACS group of people descended right in front of us! I was really surprised, cos i thot many of them would be working and surely would not be coming. There was Xiaoqiang, Ronnie, KengSiong, Changjiang, Clive, Kenglim and Dave! Wow, what a turnout! I quickly took pictures with all of them, for each and everyone of them have been such an integral part of my university life that not taking a pic with them for memories would have been one of the greatest regrets in my life. Surprisingly, Shifa and Xueming also appeared from nowhere. Seeing all of them, I was really elated! It reminded me of the days when we were still freshies and starting out university life tog. Lots of photo-taking pursued and I was also terribly amused by their suan-ings and tauntings of everyone in the group. It seemed as if everyone had some silly mistake at some point in time that everybody else knew and we could all laugh heartily about it.

Next, me, Chicken, Xiaoqiang, Huilin and Raymond left in a cab for the Student's Care Service award. I can barely remember anything that happended there, only that I ate ALOT of food- 3 chocolate puffs, 2 char siew puffs, 1 chicken pie, 4 siew mais, 1 mushroom- looking bao, 1 chocolate brownie, 2 fish nuggets and coffee. Probably the food made me sleepy because I din't remember much from the event, besides the fact that I did go on stage and took my 3 years' award. How time flies. Din realise we have been volunteering at Yishun for 3 years already!

As the day drew to a close, we took more pics at Esplanande, with the vomitting Merlion and at the posh Fullerton Hotel. My camera also decided to die on me and I had to use Desmond's digital camera to take my pics. Hopefully he will be nice and send me the pics soon. We were a group of people in gowns and were certainly attracting lots of attention! But it was really fun and I relished every moment of it. They were all so disgusted with my Look-into-the-distant-and-appear-scholarly poses and chided me each time i suggested taking our group pics in it. But I think deep inside, they really enjoyed taking pics in such silly poses! Just that they din want to say. I felt that it was also a rare opportunity for me to keep in touch with them all and find out who is working where, who is doing what. And mine, I am surprised to find many "Freelance Executives" in the group! Where are all the jobs going to? It was a lovely moonlit night and the wind was blowing gently, although we were all drenched in sweat, after wrapping ourselves in the convocation gown for 3 hours or so. The night out was also a discovery journey for me. I learnt about my friends, whom I had failed to get to understand more while I was in school. I learnt that Clive was a bottomless pit when it comes to buffets. I learnt that Uncle Ronnie cannot eat pork cos of religion. I learnt that Changjiang is a psychology major. I learnt that Dave is associated with Patricia. I learnt that Desmond only eats desserts for supper. I learnt that Guoxiong is the highest paid corporate rat in our group. I learnt that KengSiong moved out of his Serangoon Garden House already. I learnt that Collin is working in SIA, my dream company which allows me to travel on discounted tickets once every year.

What a day. Now, I wish the next two days can fly past, so I can attend my own convocation. This time I will wear an ironed gown. This time, I will pin my hoot properly. This time I will practise ten different smiles at home for Tuesday's BIG day.

Liu Xing Hua Yuan

2004-07-09T06:50:00.002+08:00

Watching Liu Xing Hua Yuan on channel 8 never fails to inspire me about this very elusive thing called LOVE. No matter how tired I am after work every Thursday, I can forsake the whole world, my much-needed sleep, a session of jogging or even my latest read, just to sit in front of the TV by 1045pm and be all ready to watch the next much-awaited episode.

Come on, wat a loser, this Meteor Garden show was aired on TV like some 2 years ago already!! hehe. And F4 is now over and out. There is even a Qian Bian Wen Da Ti that asks, "Which key on the keyboard can't sing?". Well, yes, you got it, the answer is "F4". Sometimes, humans can be realli nasty.

Nevertheless, I still like the show. The plot is magical, inspiring, although sometimes draggy and idealistic. In this modern society, we need ideals. Ideals about love, ideals about work, ideals about every other thing on earth. If not, life is so realistic, especially in Spore, you can find yourself losing passion and patience very very soon.
In the show, a plain girl-next-door Shancai wins the likes of two guys, Lei and Daoming Si, although she truly loves the latter much more. I wonder if in reality, this happens, because georgeous guys usually go for georgeous gers. Or at least, they can choose a ger who is a hundred thousand times more pretty than Shancai is.

Beauty aside, this show catches my fancy because I know it can hardly happen in my life. Haha. I mean, I will never imagine some rich, dashing, charismatic schoolboy who would ever fall for me and love me, like eternally. And I wld never need to imagine, cos I have already graduated out of university. Plus, Spore has too small a population of wealthy businessmen with sons that are of my age. And if Shancai is so lucky, we viewers truly want to wish her the best and hope that she can prove us wrong- That such a thing may really happen. And this might be wat drives us on, to have great ideals about love, work and our life, so that we are often not disillusioned by our setbacks.

I also like the tune that is often played in the show. Its a really soothing tune, a mixture of piano and sometimes guitar when the music director feels like it. Hearing the tune and watching the characters getting upset over each other can really be quite moving, even to the hard-hearted. Because of this, I wished I knew how to play the piano. Then I can play the song anytime I want, instead of humming it every Thurs night before I go to bed. Maybe I would pick it up in future. Maybe, who knows.

Yeah, that's about the only show I catch on tv, besides Amazing Race, Fear Factor and American Idol, which ended its latest season sometime ago and left me totally bored on Wed and Thurs nights. Indeed, tv can sometimes be quite addictive, because once the show is not on, you dun know what to do with your time! Luckily, I found something new to occupy myself, and that's reading cookbooks. I like to see pics of nice food and possibly cook them when I am free. But I really hate the washing up. Plus, after a few tries in the kitchen, maybe I am not that good at cooking afterall. Nobody really wants to eat them, except for myself. =p

From today, I would have to wait for a week for next Thur's Liu Xing Hua Yuan.

Mary Jane and Myself

2004-07-04T13:09:00.000+08:00

Somehow, I wish I am Mary Jane in Spiderman 2. Not that she is super chio or wat. Not that she has that perfect height I have always been dreaming of. Not because of her pair of soulful deep-blue eyes. But because she has two men whom she somehow had a heart for at this point of her life. And both loved her dearly. Eventually, she chose to follow her heart and choose Peter and I was really relieved. Otherwise, love will never be as idealistic as it is in my mind now.

Sometimes I wonder if it is alright to like two persons at the same time. I mean, it is morally okay to do that? Isn't that the so called "two-timing"? I wonder what MJ did was right. Having a boyfren, who is dashing, good looking, handsome, awesome, rich, some prestigious person in society, wat more can U ask for? And yet loving Peter so much deep inside her heart. I wonder how many people in love are actually in this same situation. I wonder if I would be sent to hell for loving two guys at one go. I wonder this and that. No wonder, I have never been in love really, before. Although, I thought, I did, at least for three times in my entire insignificant existence in this big, big world.

I once had a heart-to-heart with this very close friend of mine. He asked me if it was possible to love two persons at the same time. I told him yes. Well, I did for a short period of time, had this strong feeling for two guys in my life. But they came and went. I guess I would never have a big enough heart to love two beings at the same time for too long. And loving one person is already a tiring affair. And he told me he thought so also. Because he was liking two persons at the same time! Oh man. Eventually, he probably chose that someone who was more prepared to share her life with him. Eventually, though, their r/s never worked out and I wonder who the other girl in his life was. I never dared to ask though.

Now that I have lived thru 23 years of my life peacefully, I have begun to appreciate how powerful love can be. I had always had this secret dream since uni days. Like if only I had a boyfren, we could stay in the hall tog and go to the nearby NTUC supermkt to shop for our weekly food fare, go to the co-op and dicsuss over the best pens to use to write our essays and go fong seng eat supper once a week or something. hehe. Not that I din't do all these activities, I did them all with friends though. We can comfort each other when the going gets tough. We can jog in campus together at night. We can wait for each other outside the LT till our day ends. Both of us can study hard tog, work hard for our future family (possibly) and that was all a perfect university life which never came true for me.

If only. Mary Jane had a hard time choosing btw two men. I have a hard time even trying to find my true love somewhere out there. But i believe, someday, I will find. Just dun let him come into my life too late, for this would mean we wld have lesser time to do the many things I have in mind.

A blunder in the office

2004-07-02T17:25:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a sucky day. I got into trouble in the office. Well, I was just super unlucky. Let you tell you what happened: I was supposed to be coaching this new colleague on how to use a software before I shd leave my internship end of this month. Then, in the afternoon she was caught up with her work and did not manage to call me over to her desk. Prior to that, becos I thot I was coaching her, I uploaded some files into this common drive, called the T-Drive. It was a temporary drive that is accessible by all employees in DCSEA.

Guess what! Some bloody super-free person in the office called the BIG boss of another dept and said "Hey, XX, U sure U can leave those confidential files in the t-drive?!!" Then that's when that big boss found out that I have uploaded some very confidential files (abt employee status in the company) and then he came over to tip off my boss and u get, i got into trouble!

I was really upset abt this blunder I made. I mean, how wld I know people wld be so free as to go into the temp folder and peep into everyone's files???! PLus, I am angry with myself. Just before uploading them, I did think twice abt the sensitive info I was going to put up there. But the CD-burner in my dept was spoilt and there was no other common drive between me and that colleague, so I thot i would just do it. Haiz.

Act, there is no big deal abt this incident. I mean, I wasn't even scolded by my boss. Just that I think he is really disgusted with me for this stupid mistake I have made. But I just felt very upset abt it and as I always have been, a crybaby, I CRIED. Yes, I did cry.. but in the toilet. I couldn't help it manz. For such a silly mistake. For being blamed for such ignorance. For just having a weak feeling inside me.

Back at home, I just ate dinner and went to bed straight. Mum felt something must have upsetted me and tried to ask. I din even feel like toking to anyone. Not even watching my favourite much-awaited Meteor Garden on Channel 8. I din feel like coming to work the next day. I din want to see anyone of my colleagues who must be thinking "this is the idiot intern that shared the info with us!".

Actually, the true reason why I am feeling so sore abt the whole event is because I din feel like I have performed well in this company or left a good impression enough. Before I started my internship, I had a wish to do well and impress my boss and build all my connections so that I can possibly come back here to work one day.. I mean, can u imagine working for Mercedes and getting to drive their cars for free when you rise thru the ranks, someday, somehow? But think that all is gone now...

But today, life is better. I mean, things weren't that bad as I imagined it to be.. Nobody seems to remember the blunder that I made cos they were all busy moving their stuff.. Our office is doing minor renovations as some dept is moving up from the 27th flr. So, I was happily helping them to move too and I think they are really glad that I was really helpful with my services. Of cos manz, I was like a coolie, moving things. But somehow it all din matter. Somehow I felt better after all the workout!

Now, I have planned for a cool Friday evening ahead. Jog, eat my cheese sausage and wedges at home.. I am going to bake them!

Just another day at the office

2004-06-29T17:29:00.000+08:00

It's yet another day. Another day of slogging away at the office. Or rather, should I say, PRETENDING to slog away. Yes, I have been practising the art of appearing to be busy in the office the whole of today. BIG boss and Sup is away; colleagues are on leave. Haiz. The whole office is a graveyard today.

Today, I whiled my time finding jobs on jobsdb and jobstreet for a close friend. She wanna a job in PR, Corp Comms or Events. I thought, at least I am doing something worthwhile. Then also visited the two pantries and tried all the biscuits there. I think the wafer one with a thin spread of chocolate is the yummiest. Then I also worked on my blogspot and gave it a new look! Now, i am so proud of myself for being able to change some of the code and have a nice little skyblue title. Oh no. What would I answer if my sup comes in tmr morning and ask me what I did today? Should I tell her I did up my blogspot and show it to her with gleem? Or should I pretend and say that, "Oh.. I spent the entire day reading about the organisation and realise what a great company this is.. because...".

After swimming yesterday, my muscles are aching. Oh mine, feels like my bones are falling apart and my hands and legs all wobbly. And I only swam like 20 laps. Lousy. But very angry with myself too. Ate so much for dinner just because I think I have swam and can afford it. Argh. Looks like I will never be able to be as slim as I want to.

During lunch time, I also bought some roasted chestnuts from Carrefour. They are really nice! I think I can just eat them for dinner or wat. Bought two pkts; one for myself. One for mummy. She loves it too.

Oh yes, in another attempt to lose more weight and look better when my convo day arrives in 2 weeks' time, I am also going to join aerobics classes with my neighbour. hehe. Its a cardiomix class at Hougang Sports for Life Centre. I have always loved dancing that doesn't need much coordination and aerobics is one of them.

I shall aspire to be more hardworking come tmr, when my sup returns to the office. :)

why a blogspot?

2004-06-28T17:19:00.002+08:00

WoooHooOoooOOooooo! My first blogspot.. 5.19PM 28 June 2004!! Venue: DaimlerChrysler SEA office. *what?? I actually did this cos I was too bored in the office* okies.. alrite, there is nothing much to be happie about.. afterall, I think I am the no. 7460866th person in this earth to get myself a spot. Actually, I am not really that tech-unsavvy or ill-informed abt such internet happenings, I mean, afterall, I have got a friendster ya? haha. *Big Deal* But its just quite scary to have your thoughts penned out in the open and have people knowing everything abt you, like wat u ate today, whether u shitted or who you dream abt every nite.. however, I have decided to get one nevertheless because of some reasons...

Most importantly, this can help me save the earth.. well, writing your thoughts and dreams into paper is not really environmentally-friendly.. think abt a page a day and 365 a year and assuming i live 60 years? that will be like 7300 pieces of papers?? but then again, I may be too old to write at the age of 60, so let's just put the number at 5000. Still alot.

Also, I figured that writing a blog allows me to be a better person. How so? I usually like to grouse to my friends or complain abt this that and other thing on earth. The stupid bus la, always late!!! and then I will go on and complain abt getting fat arggh, the list is infinite.. But then again, sometimes when U dun complain, bad feelings get bottled up in you and one day it can lead to something bigger. So a blogspot wld be a good place for me to complain all I can without someone interrupting me or adding to my complaints. And I will complain and talk less physically because typing out all my unhappiness wld have sapped away my energy. Gee. Maybe I would have slimmer fingers too.

Lastly, I am secretly hoping that writing frequently in a blog will help me become a better writer.. hmm, I mean look at Sumiko Tan.. she writes all abt herself in her sunday columns and she earns a living for them!! I wannaaa be like her too.. minus the single part. hehe.

Oh yes, did I tell u I am quite a reason-freak? I need to justify why I do everything.. haha maybe that's how irritating I can be.

Today is a good day. BIG boss is away in Germany and sup is on MC. I have been slacking away since lunch time. How great life will be, IF ONLY everyday is like today.. I mean no one to see if you are writing your blog in the office.. no one to check you only took an hr for lunch.. blah blah. Because they are all not ard, I have aspired to leave the office sharp at 6pm and go SWIMMING. wow. How nice. Another 20 mins to call it a day.

*Reflections.. of a tiny insignificant me...*